my feelings always seem to mirror the seasons. the forsythias are coming; my mind keeps running but my body still feels like it’s stuck in winter. I joke that I am manic but really I think my brain has just had it: to miss you feel like quitting a habit you go back to every time it all gets too hard to manage.
here is a little piece I wrote about spring last year.
the trees are budding and if you blink you’ll miss them. I notice differences and splintered innocence and I said it didn’t matter but it’s making my head spin—so much for being indifferent. but like the flowers I grew back and filled into every quality that I lacked. how come we never question whether the flowers will come back? spring comes through and they just do: to perceive ourselves any differently would be a bold move. the trees are budding and if you blink you’ll miss them, and in this moment we are a magnolia tree about to bloom. magenta burns; perspectives turn, and as quick as you twisted the knife, barren trees become full of life.
the first forsythias
I read something last week about how it’s impossible to eliminate things you don’t want to do from your life, but you can try to eliminate doing things that you dread, and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since. you can not want to do something, and you likely will have to, but you shouldn’t be dreading having to do anything in your life unless it’s absolutely necessary. but if it’s not, how can you change your schedule to filter out the things you dread?
I was talking about this in therapy last week, and while my to-do list is overwhelming and feels never-ending, I found solace in the fact that most of the list did not include tasks I was dreading.
do whatever you can to live dread-free.
last thing: my friend always makes us play this game called high-low when we are out. I genuinely don’t know if it’s a thing or if her and her friends just made it up, but each person says the high of their day and the low of their day, so let’s start this month with some high-lows of last month:
highs!
-I FINISHED MY BOOK! she is currently being edited and absolutely wrecked with a red pen but she is a complete, whole book.
-I am going to make an accompanying short film with my friend shelby to release with the book
-the cold water cleanse we did in honor of my sister. we had almost 200 people show up and it was so beautiful seeing how many lives she touched
-I am being interviewed for a podcast for the first time tomorrow (!!!!!)
-RECIEVED MY FIRST PACKAGE IN EXCHANGE FOR POSTING ON INSTAGRAM (CALL ME AN INFLUENCER?) AND IT WAS A FUZZY PAJAMA SET.
-I started an art, writing, and meditation wellness workshop in my community
-BOOKED A TRIP TO ITALY AND GREECE?????
-moved into my new apartment
lows
-spring is here (but you are not)
-the entire day that you would have turned 22
-the ratio of how little money I have vs how much I am working
this is your sign to write a high-low list. you might surprise yourself with more highs than you would think. going into this month on a positive note: the next newsletter will be from europe (!!!!!!!) see you then. <3
hope spring brings you peace
and the april sun heals winter’s beast
lovelovelove,
karlie